Blakes blessing...

sunday was our smiley blakes blessing day. seriously i love my little smiley dude. chris gave a beautiful blessing, which i still need to write down before i forget. blake eston, he is named after some great men in his life. blake his grandpa daniels name, is a loving, caring, do anything for you kind of guy. always seems content and loves the outdoors. eston, my youngest brothers name, is a chill, cool, strong, noble, and stands up for what he believes in kind of guy. He is the rock in our family....never wavering...love you eston! all i can hope for is that blake, my sweet smiley blake lives up to his namesakes. i feel so blessed to have my three beautiful children, for i was told i should have only had one and that usually people that had what i had have just one then have to a hysterectomy. when i think of that my eyes well up with tears knowing that my heavenly father truly loves me. i feel so undeserving at times and am so thankful i have a loving heavenly father that forgives me for all my many imperfections. 

i just had to add a few more pictures of my sweet babes....enjoy

xo

Blake and my story....

so here i go...i will attempt to write down mine and Blake's story.
my body wasn't made to have 3 kids in 3 years. mind you i have had 4 pregnancies in 4 years. lost the first babe at 15 weeks. i have really bad varicose veins that run in my family. they are PAINFUL and the more i had kids the worse they had become. needless to say by the end of Blake's pregnancy i was done. 38 1/2 weeks is when i had the little man. i went in to my appointment Dec. 26th, found out i was dilated to a 7 and my midwife suggested i come back that night or the next morning to be in a controlled environment because i had two little ones and a husband that worked and if my water were to break or labor started on its own i would be having the baby fast. in the back of my mind i new this wouldn't happen. i have long labors regardless what dilation i am at.
but if you know anything about me i like to get things done. and fast. and like yesterday. so i called Chris, got a babysitter and went in at 10pm on the 26th. we got all set up. the staff said i would be having the baby in an hour and to get anesthesia there. anesthesia came got my epidural which is a blessing i decide to. i still felt a window of contractions the whole 5 hrs i was in labor which was horrible. seriously how do these women go all natural? my hat is off to you! Blake arrived at 305 am on the 27th and was my smallest baby weighing in at 8lbs. my other boy was 9lbs 7oz!
Blake was beautiful! he was perfect and precious and i was so glad he was out of me! Chris cut the cord and my midwife made a comment of how short the umbilical cord was. as they cleaned Blake and she started massaging the placenta out nothing budged. after an hr of her trying to gently delivering the placenta she called the surgeon. seriously this was all in gods hands by then. because if one of these people slipped up at all at there job...well i wouldn't be writing this at all. i would be buried in the ground and hopefully you would have attended my funeral.
Dr AJ was the surgeons name. he came in to my room, took one look at me and said lets go to the OR. i was going in for a D&C of my placenta. well it didn't go according to plan.before i went back i was talking to my midwife about getting an IUD put in and we were chuckling about it. well little did i know....
what i remember is hearing voices, the people talking were trying to decide to take me to the ICU or back to my room. i right then tried to open my eyes and say something. i did not want to go to the ICU. i have worked on Intensive Care Units and i did not belong there.
i started to wake up. i couldn't open my eyes and i felt so weak. like indescribable weak. and there were so many unfamiliar people around me. Chris had to go home to attend to our other two babes, so i was there alone. and what they were about to tell me....alone...no one to cling to....it was just heartbreaking. being told that you had an emergency hysterectomy and lost 3 liters of blood was over the top for my ears to hear. i almost didn't believe it. until i came around 2 days later and saw the giant incision across my belly. Chris and i had talked about being done. but there was a part of me that couldn't just say we are done having kids. it was really hard at first to wrap my head around what had happened. so many staff came in to check on me. people telling me i almost died was starting to become real. i honestly thought people were just saying that. but when i finally got the story...i actually almost did.
the Dr AJ said he went in tugged on the placenta. it detached and he pulled his hand out. i started to hemorrhage. he immediately cut me open and i had already lost half my blood. it was a blessing i already had anesthesia going and that i was in the OR. if they had choose not to i would have bled out in my room. they ended up having to take my whole uterus.

placenta accreta can be fatal. it is not easily detected. the OB Gyn told me most likely it was from when i had my D&C back in December 2009. she was floored i had 3 kids. she claimed that when she sees cases like this the woman has one and then has to have a hysterectomy.
i am so grateful for my 3 babies. i love them more than they know. i try everyday to be the best mother to them. i fail everyday at doing so. i just hope that one day they will know how happy i am heavenly father saved my life so i can be their mother here on earth.
xo

townhomes are way better than apartments....

i am loving not living in an apartment. with kids its a big deal. no one pounding on the ceiling or floor telling you your kids are having to much fun playing. i love having 3 levels. the kids upstairs and our room on the main floor. we don't have to tip toe around after the kids go to bed. and we can make popcorn in the kitchen cause the kids room is not sharing the kitchen wall anymore. i love having to park in a garage and not having to scrape ice and snow from our windows. and most of all i love being able to decorate. i change where i put things weekly. always trying to update my look. i think that is why i don't mind moving so much...i love to redecorate and reuse what i have. spray paint is my best friend and as soon as we buy a home...like in for-never... paint will be my walls best friend. 

here are some pics of the place...it is nothing great...but i am liking it...for now. xo

it's been awhile

i thought i would try and post at least once a month this year. not for the two of you who care for my own purposes. i am horrible at writing 'things' down. i think i have a good memory, but i know in a few years i will forget what i thought i would remember. i am good at taking pictures, i love pictures. i love looking at them and reminiscing and thinking about why i took it.
both dean and marni are growing before our eyes. everyday they learn something new and they impress me  daily with what they do learn. i need to be better at sitting down and taking in their 'littleness'. they are both speaking and it's fun to hear what they will say next. they are becoming great friends and i am loving that they are so close and will always have each other. blake is now almost 7 weeks and is such a sweet, easy going baby. i look forward to watching him grow and am excited dean has a brother. 
i will have to post his birth story on another post...for this is just a get me started post for the new year. 
we are enjoying wisconsin and look forward to growing spiritually, physically and emotionally together as a family. 2013 looks like it will be a great year for us... and i feel that it will just keep getting better for the daniels from here on out.. i am sure there will be some bumps along the way but we are here to take them on and grow stronger from them.

xoxo

quick update

i am pretty much excited for the next five months! lots of events will be happening and i get so giddy thinking about all the fun our family will be experiencing! 

dean turns 2 on September 20th. he is such a sweetest brother and loves his sister so much. they are getting along so much better. he is very protective of her and gets worried when she tries to stand. ha ha

he is very active and loves the outdoors. he doesn't like much toys. he is more into books, puzzles, flash cards, Lego's, blocks and his peg set. he is speaking so much more now, which is helping with me being less flustered of what he wants. he knows his alphabet and can pick out the letters and say them. counts to 10 and we are working on our colors and shapes. he surprises me on how much he knows. he is very observant and is very helpful. he doesn't like messes and if he spills something he will get a towel and wipe it up. ha he loves to help vacuum also. he loves his bath time with his sister. 

on October 26 Chris graduates with his masters of biological studies (i think) and will be a CRNA! he takes his oral boards September 13 and then from there he will study for his national boards. i am loving that in 2 short months he will be done with school and we will hopefully be getting a paycheck! i am so proud of all he does and sacrifices for our family and am so blessed heavenly father led him into my life. i am so happy and grateful everyday he chose me to be his wife. 

so then we have the moving out, then Halloween and then....

My baby turns one! Marni is the sweetest thing ever! seriously every where we go people comment on how happy she is. she lights up there day as she smiles and giggles at them. she is perfect in public! she started crawling at 7 1/2 months and is starting to attempt walking (which i think she would if dean wouldn't try and knock her down haha). she is much more vocal than dean ever was at this age. i am told its cause she is a girl? she waves bye bye and says mama when she is crying. she is in love with her dad and won't stop giggling when he is around. i seriously love having her in our family and am blessed i get to be her mom. 

so then there is thanksgiving, Chris's birthday, hopefully we have moved in somewhere and found a job. we have Christmas and new years....then my precious baby boy should arrive on January 4th!! I can't wait to meet this precious babe. 

i love my children so much and am so thankful to my heavenly father daily that i am able to be there mama.

it's in the details

i am almost done with nie nies book. I have two chapters left. i bawled today. i bawled because i have taken so much for granted. what this remarkable woman has accomplished is amazing. her inspiration as a mother empowers me. i want to be better, less negative, more cheerful and kiss and love my kids. i want to be the best mother i can and know how for them. 
on Today, today i heard about a mom loosing her legs from protecting her kids from a tornado. debris fell on them and she had to amputate them. loved her courageous story. i hope to do anything for my children if they EVER  needed me and this story reaffirmed the power we have as mothers. 
my kids napped for 3 hrs today. it was fabulous, but as i read nie nies book i wanted them to wake up. to hold them so close. to hear them laugh and giggle and coo. dean doesn't talk much and what does come out of his mouth is this awful fake cry that if i did it for you you would laugh out loud. i imitate him  for some of my friends and over the phone is even better. anyway i go crazy when he does it. but today, after reading i longed for it. i wanted the mess of toys and the food splattered all over the table. dean has been learning to eat with utensils and is doing fairly well. i wanted little marn to look up with her sweet eyes at me and say please pick me up again. or dean coming in the kitchen to tell me "no" and push me away from washing dishes so he could have a hug. i once again am grateful for nie nies inspiration to strive to be a better mother and look at the details. i want to remember every little thing about my babies. they grow up too fast. i have to admit i have had thoughts of terrible things happening to me after reading what has happened to nie. i pray everyday for the life i have and wouldn't change a thing about it. i just know that heavenly father knows what i am capable of and i have to have faith. 

xo

loving life...and taking it day by day.

i had a page written of all i wanted to say then i deleted it. why? simple i have no reason to complain, to defend how i feel or who i am, to justify myself to the world. i read nie nies book. and it has changed my perspective on being a mother and loving every bit of it. i love my life and everything about it. people go through trials of every kind and i am so grateful she shared her trail with me. i am grateful to my friend for suggesting the book. i am grateful to my kids for napping for two hours a day so i could read. i am excited for what lies ahead in my life. i am so grateful to be a mom of my two adorable kids. it is hard but oh so worth it. i make sacrifices everyday for my kids and my husband. i am learning to selfless and less selfish. no i can't run everyday like i want, or wash and style my hair like i used to. or go and shop at the mall. but the life i have now...being a mother of two and hopefully more soon, and having my husband who is in grad school and is never home. and living away from all my family and friends and doing it all on my own with little help. is worth what i am striving to become. i wouldn't be the person i am today if it weren't for the trials i have been given in life. and i know that heavenly father knows me and knows i am capable of whatever he puts in my path. i love him.i love the gospel and i love my life. thank you nie nie for helping me see that.

xo

grandma corbin

Leora. (Lee-Oar-Uh).

She grew up on a farm. She was 1 of 12 kids. She told stories of milking cows and getting up early to do chores. There was a sad bully-type story of being kicked so hard in the shin by her elementary school peers this one time, that she still had a scar. There's pictures of her hair done up in a bandana - big curls, big smile. She went to college and worked this one time in Minnesota and sent home the money to buy her parents a car while supporting herself on basically nothing. She talked about bread and milk sometimes and how it tasted good.

I remember lots of plastic toys at their house, and baseball always on TV. I think it was she who liked baseball. I remember going there sundays at least twice a month. It was always filled with smells of egg, onion or grease. Big fluffy yummy scones covered in honey and powdered sugar, greasy oh so good potatoes or the smell of carmelized onions. Pink puffy divinity (that batch that didn't turn out right she said, but tasted so good), perfect fudge, lots of cookies. Quilts. Not the fancy kind you see these days. The quick patchwork kind, sewed of mismatched patches of fabric, sewn up with the remainder of time she had to do it. These were always given away to someone who needed them. There was always someone who needed them.

She had 9 kids. Lots of stories. Long beautiful life. She took a large responsibility of putting bread on the table and making sure they didn't go without. "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." A life overflowing with service and love, heaping amounts of self-sacrifice, and a strong but quiet religious devotion. Millions of tales of advice and encouragement. Then came secrets about all her jobs, all the things she did that you'd never expect because of the way things turned out. Things like loving chemistry. Things like marrying later in life. Things that were still very much consistent with who I imagined her to be, but things you don't hear about when you are little. Things that I learned about and then became so much more grateful for my grandma, and so much more respectful. My love and pride increased and I felt blessed that I had been lucky enough to call her my grandma.

Leora. However it may have looked to anyone who saw it, she had an extremely successful life in terms of what she was given and what she did with it. And, in the end, that is all that truly matters.

written by my sweet sister Kara.