8 years...

its been eight years. i can't say its been eight wonderful years. though i wish i could. we have had some bad years. most of the eight years have been awesome. like amazing. but there have been rough years. times of trial and heartache. we have pulled through and have landed the number eight. we feel old. accomplished. loved. complete. in those eight years we have been through school and more school. oh and more school. we have been on trips. bike rides, airplane rides, car rides. we have had three kids. we have moved to four states. we have loved and laughed and loved some more. we have fought. and cried and kissed and hugged. we talk about old times, no kid times, vegas times. we have seen oceans and mountains. we have ran together, biked together and grown to cherish one another. we are best friends. we are eternal companions. we love our children, talk about our children, fight about our children. we talk about our future. about growing old and what we will be able to do when we don't have three kids in diapers. we plan for trips and outings and family adventures. we without a doubt are in love. and we look forward to another eight years. no wait for eternity.
xo

Blakes blessing...

sunday was our smiley blakes blessing day. seriously i love my little smiley dude. chris gave a beautiful blessing, which i still need to write down before i forget. blake eston, he is named after some great men in his life. blake his grandpa daniels name, is a loving, caring, do anything for you kind of guy. always seems content and loves the outdoors. eston, my youngest brothers name, is a chill, cool, strong, noble, and stands up for what he believes in kind of guy. He is the rock in our family....never wavering...love you eston! all i can hope for is that blake, my sweet smiley blake lives up to his namesakes. i feel so blessed to have my three beautiful children, for i was told i should have only had one and that usually people that had what i had have just one then have to a hysterectomy. when i think of that my eyes well up with tears knowing that my heavenly father truly loves me. i feel so undeserving at times and am so thankful i have a loving heavenly father that forgives me for all my many imperfections. 

i just had to add a few more pictures of my sweet babes....enjoy

xo

Blake and my story....

so here i go...i will attempt to write down mine and Blake's story.
my body wasn't made to have 3 kids in 3 years. mind you i have had 4 pregnancies in 4 years. lost the first babe at 15 weeks. i have really bad varicose veins that run in my family. they are PAINFUL and the more i had kids the worse they had become. needless to say by the end of Blake's pregnancy i was done. 38 1/2 weeks is when i had the little man. i went in to my appointment Dec. 26th, found out i was dilated to a 7 and my midwife suggested i come back that night or the next morning to be in a controlled environment because i had two little ones and a husband that worked and if my water were to break or labor started on its own i would be having the baby fast. in the back of my mind i new this wouldn't happen. i have long labors regardless what dilation i am at.
but if you know anything about me i like to get things done. and fast. and like yesterday. so i called Chris, got a babysitter and went in at 10pm on the 26th. we got all set up. the staff said i would be having the baby in an hour and to get anesthesia there. anesthesia came got my epidural which is a blessing i decide to. i still felt a window of contractions the whole 5 hrs i was in labor which was horrible. seriously how do these women go all natural? my hat is off to you! Blake arrived at 305 am on the 27th and was my smallest baby weighing in at 8lbs. my other boy was 9lbs 7oz!
Blake was beautiful! he was perfect and precious and i was so glad he was out of me! Chris cut the cord and my midwife made a comment of how short the umbilical cord was. as they cleaned Blake and she started massaging the placenta out nothing budged. after an hr of her trying to gently delivering the placenta she called the surgeon. seriously this was all in gods hands by then. because if one of these people slipped up at all at there job...well i wouldn't be writing this at all. i would be buried in the ground and hopefully you would have attended my funeral.
Dr AJ was the surgeons name. he came in to my room, took one look at me and said lets go to the OR. i was going in for a D&C of my placenta. well it didn't go according to plan.before i went back i was talking to my midwife about getting an IUD put in and we were chuckling about it. well little did i know....
what i remember is hearing voices, the people talking were trying to decide to take me to the ICU or back to my room. i right then tried to open my eyes and say something. i did not want to go to the ICU. i have worked on Intensive Care Units and i did not belong there.
i started to wake up. i couldn't open my eyes and i felt so weak. like indescribable weak. and there were so many unfamiliar people around me. Chris had to go home to attend to our other two babes, so i was there alone. and what they were about to tell me....alone...no one to cling to....it was just heartbreaking. being told that you had an emergency hysterectomy and lost 3 liters of blood was over the top for my ears to hear. i almost didn't believe it. until i came around 2 days later and saw the giant incision across my belly. Chris and i had talked about being done. but there was a part of me that couldn't just say we are done having kids. it was really hard at first to wrap my head around what had happened. so many staff came in to check on me. people telling me i almost died was starting to become real. i honestly thought people were just saying that. but when i finally got the story...i actually almost did.
the Dr AJ said he went in tugged on the placenta. it detached and he pulled his hand out. i started to hemorrhage. he immediately cut me open and i had already lost half my blood. it was a blessing i already had anesthesia going and that i was in the OR. if they had choose not to i would have bled out in my room. they ended up having to take my whole uterus.

placenta accreta can be fatal. it is not easily detected. the OB Gyn told me most likely it was from when i had my D&C back in December 2009. she was floored i had 3 kids. she claimed that when she sees cases like this the woman has one and then has to have a hysterectomy.
i am so grateful for my 3 babies. i love them more than they know. i try everyday to be the best mother to them. i fail everyday at doing so. i just hope that one day they will know how happy i am heavenly father saved my life so i can be their mother here on earth.
xo