May 11, 2012

it's in the details

i am almost done with nie nies book. I have two chapters left. i bawled today. i bawled because i have taken so much for granted. what this remarkable woman has accomplished is amazing. her inspiration as a mother empowers me. i want to be better, less negative, more cheerful and kiss and love my kids. i want to be the best mother i can and know how for them. 
on Today, today i heard about a mom loosing her legs from protecting her kids from a tornado. debris fell on them and she had to amputate them. loved her courageous story. i hope to do anything for my children if they EVER  needed me and this story reaffirmed the power we have as mothers. 
my kids napped for 3 hrs today. it was fabulous, but as i read nie nies book i wanted them to wake up. to hold them so close. to hear them laugh and giggle and coo. dean doesn't talk much and what does come out of his mouth is this awful fake cry that if i did it for you you would laugh out loud. i imitate him  for some of my friends and over the phone is even better. anyway i go crazy when he does it. but today, after reading i longed for it. i wanted the mess of toys and the food splattered all over the table. dean has been learning to eat with utensils and is doing fairly well. i wanted little marn to look up with her sweet eyes at me and say please pick me up again. or dean coming in the kitchen to tell me "no" and push me away from washing dishes so he could have a hug. i once again am grateful for nie nies inspiration to strive to be a better mother and look at the details. i want to remember every little thing about my babies. they grow up too fast. i have to admit i have had thoughts of terrible things happening to me after reading what has happened to nie. i pray everyday for the life i have and wouldn't change a thing about it. i just know that heavenly father knows what i am capable of and i have to have faith. 


May 10, 2012

loving life...and taking it day by day.

i had a page written of all i wanted to say then i deleted it. why? simple i have no reason to complain, to defend how i feel or who i am, to justify myself to the world. i read nie nies book. and it has changed my perspective on being a mother and loving every bit of it. i love my life and everything about it. people go through trials of every kind and i am so grateful she shared her trail with me. i am grateful to my friend for suggesting the book. i am grateful to my kids for napping for two hours a day so i could read. i am excited for what lies ahead in my life. i am so grateful to be a mom of my two adorable kids. it is hard but oh so worth it. i make sacrifices everyday for my kids and my husband. i am learning to selfless and less selfish. no i can't run everyday like i want, or wash and style my hair like i used to. or go and shop at the mall. but the life i have now...being a mother of two and hopefully more soon, and having my husband who is in grad school and is never home. and living away from all my family and friends and doing it all on my own with little help. is worth what i am striving to become. i wouldn't be the person i am today if it weren't for the trials i have been given in life. and i know that heavenly father knows me and knows i am capable of whatever he puts in my path. i love him.i love the gospel and i love my life. thank you nie nie for helping me see that.